Worthiness
I tell myself daily I’m not worthy it’s deep routed it’s not a doubt. I don’t believe there is a deep fear. Which stops me daily from having a voice it projects out things I don’t want rather than what I do want. It doesn’t demand anything it just keeps quiet and hopes that problems will disappear on their own. I struggle with it when it’s in tune it’s incredible but more often than not I don't think before I speak.
It’s completely silent but it speaks up to give bullshit answers I call it "it" because I don’t know what it is that stops me. I have to mentally rehearse myself to jump in but it takes time and practice. I don’t believe I’m ready to just let it go even though I want to. As it stops me from achieving all the things I want. Then out of no where it comes out as anger and frustration and I have these little outbursts now I feel I have lost this ability to communicate because everything has been silenced.
I want to reset so I can speak up and feel free. Currently my voice is becoming fainter and fainter I have no idea where this has come from. Then I think is it confidence and I’m sure it isn’t because I have that I can walk out and wear no make up and know I’m beautiful on the outside but on the inside I feel like I’m decomposing. Emotionally and physically. I still posses determination and motivation but it’s not enough anymore. I want to feel a deeper connection and understanding to myself so we work in sync. I feel weaker and weaker day by day and I’m holding on for dear life I want to let go of this fight I have. But I don’t know how or what I’m letting go of.
The purpose of calling this blog worthiness is because I believe we are all guilty of self deprecating thoughts about ourselves and we are not good at praising the good that we posses.i feel this because at times I'm sure we've allowed people to take our ideas and not recognise our own work. whilst passing it over as nothing when actually it matters.
affirmation for today
"I am worthy for goodness"
" I am worthy to reject negativity"
"I am worthy to recieve love and happiness without guilt"
pece love and happiness
sw
Hey just been reading some of your blog, it really amazes me that i can totally relate to your most recent blog. I am in constant struggle with my inner self and now i am finding my self having actual augments with with it to the point where it is vocal. I am hoping to address this with my physiologist. We all have a voice inside that says bad stuff but please take comfort in knowing that you are not the only one and all the effort and time you are putting into you will be worth it!
ReplyDeleteI will always be of comfort and a safe place for you.
Much love
Lyns x